The Four Pillars
A Supplement to the Ten Commandments
The 10 Commandments are a time-tested set of rules for living. Handed down to us from God at Mt. Sinai, they form the basis for a civilized Judea-Christian society. They put basic boundaries around our behavior, and Jews and Christians have looked to them as foundational to their societies for thousands of years.
I am the Lord your God; you shall have no other gods before me.
You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.
Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
Honor your father and your mother.
You shall not kill.
You shall not commit adultery.
You shall not steal.
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife.
You shall not covet your neighbor’s goods.
Now, most of us humans have probably broken a few along the way. My guess is that 1-4 are probably the most frequently violated, and finding people that are faithful to Commandments 1-3 is probably pretty rare in modern Western society. I admit that Number 2 gets tested every time I stub my toe on the nightstand or hit an errant golf shot. Adherence to Commandment 4 varies from subculture to subculture. 9 and 10 involve your internal state and a breach is known only to you and God. Unless they slip into 6 and 7, no one else knows whether you have violated them. That leaves only 5, 6, 7, and 8 that can be discovered, are still widely frowned upon, and only 5, 7, and sometimes 8 can be prosecuted under most Western legal systems.
Still, the 10 Commandments are a fence around our most base inclinations. If you follow them fastidiously, chances are you are a pretty good person. And even if you stumble occasionally, as long as you are earnestly trying, you’ll be viewed as someone that can get along in civilized society.
But the 10 Commandments are of little help in maintaining your own serenity during these turbulent times. Only Commandments 3 and 4 require us to do something positive. The rest are restraints on behavior. 8 of the 10 are “shall nots,” behaviors that you are forbidden to engage in. They are useful, necessary, and time tested, but they are restraints on our base behaviors. They form the basis for an ordered society in the Jewish and Christian tradition.
Now, in Christianity, we also have the admonition from John 13:34-35, “A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”
So, yes, Christians have that affirmative obligations as well. But some of us need a bit more than just restraints and a general commandment, so I have developed a supplement of sorts that is intended to fit into, and be somewhat consistent with Judea-Christian tradition and teachings. They aren’t really new, but focusing on four and these four pillars can help a great deal in keeping your internal state balanced and healthy.
I call them my 4 Pillars:
1. Gratitude. “If our religion is based on wonder, our chief emotion will be gratitude. “ C.G. Jung
Be grateful for certain people AND some of the experiences you have had. Gratitude is one of those things that should just occur, but we often have to work at it and be mindful of it. Try to be grateful especially for some of the people that have changed the trajectory of your life. The obvious ones are teachers, coaches or mentors. But keep in mind some less obvious ones that introduced you to new ideas or new ways of thinking about things, or helped you master a new skill that has served you well over time. Some are not so obvious. And sadly, many of them are gone already, and you didn’t have a chance to say thank you.
Likewise, no matter who you are, we have all had some terrific life experiences. In a speech several years ago, I claimed that God gives most of us 6-12 “peak experiences” in life, and usually not more than that. By “peak experience,” I mean something that you look back on and smile, and think to yourself, “That was really cool.” And it could be anything at all from a trip in the wilderness, to a biking trip, or an achievement that you worked hard to obtain. Be grateful that you had them.
Perhaps no one personifies the complete absence of gratitude more than Michelle Obama, and you can tell that she just seethes with anger, resentment, and unhappiness. By all accounts, she has had a storied life. She grew up in a modest working class intact family. She attended a very good Chicago Public High School, Whitney Young. She went on to Princeton and then Harvard Law School (I doubt she paid very much for her education). She served as First Lady and now has 3 palatial homes. All sounds pretty good. Yet I have yet to hear a word of gratitude for anyone or any experience from her. There is no end to her bellyaching. From her complaints about the country, to life in the White House, to having children and now a constant drumbeat of complaints about her husband.
Perhaps her attitude is all a result of being marinated in the entitled Leftist narrative, which implores us to “check your privilege.” If she would simply turn that around to grandma’s old saying, “Count your blessings,” I’d bet she’d be a lot happier.
2. Letting Go/Detachment. “In three words, I can sum up everything I have learned about life: It goes on.”
This can be hard for many of us. As with gratitude, it can be manifested in two different ways- letting go of people, and letting go of places that no longer exist. The most recent, extreme and heroic example of this was Erika Kirk’s announcement that she forgave her husband’s murderer. I won’t belabor things, but letting go of people that you should let go of and letting go of slights is transformative. Letting go is part of therapy, Catholic confession, atonement during Yom Kippur, and groups like AA and Al-Anon all serve a similar purpose. Owning your mistakes but also letting go of them. It’s part of the Judeo-Christian ethos.
Sometimes, we have to let go of people. Many of us have lost friends and relatives as a result of the deep political divide. Even when you attempt to have reasonable discussions, the people with advanced Trump Derangement Syndrome can’t be reasoned with. No amount of counterfactuals or empirical evidence is likely to be persuasive. You just have to let go.
We also need to learn to let go of certain places. Many of our universities are simply not the same places we attended a couple of decades ago. Alumni giving offices thrive on nostalgia and play on it. But it is good to keep in mind, that The word nostalgia is a neoclassical compound derived from Greek, consisting of νόστος (nóstos), a Homeric word meaning “homecoming”, and ἄλγος (álgos), meaning “pain.” When commentor Charles Haywood declared in one of his podcasts, that “nostalgia is death,” I thought that assessment was a bit harsh. But now I am seeing the kernel of truth in it. We need to keep our eyes forward. I had a casual conversation the other day with a fellow that had moved from Chicago 15 years ago. “I miss Chicago sometimes. It’s a great city.” My standard counter is, “You miss what Chicago used to be. I do, too.”
Learn to let go.
3. Epistemic humility. “I would rather have questions that can be answered than answers that can’t be questioned.” – Richard Feynman
This is a phrase that one of my favorite podcasters, Bret Weinstein uses often, and I thought it was important enough to include here. Epistemic humility refers to the recognition that one’s knowledge is inherently limited and fallible. It is a characteristic that true scientific thinkers, or at least people with some scientific training, possess. Unfortunately, it is not a trait common among our elected officials, policymakers, or commentators, especially in legacy media.
Those that possess this rare attribute are fairly easy to identify. They generally announce it. A prime example of this was demonstrated by Russ Roberts in his discussion with economist Noah Smith on his podcast Econtalk. During that discussion, both Roberts and Smith railed against Trump’s tariffs, and ranted about the economic damage they will do and extolled the virtue of free trade, even when it is not reciprocal. But then Roberts abruptly pivoted mid-discussion, and asked, “But what if we’re wrong?” That’s a powerful admission, and fortifies, rather than detracts from your credibility.
Counterexamples among our political class abound. Fox commentator Jessica Tarloff, to my knowledge, has never admitted error or conceded that another commentator has made a valid point. Confirmation bias is a powerful thing. Anthony Fauci boldly and confidently proclaimed, “I am The Science,” which statement in and of itself was an announcement that he is not a scientific thinker. His assessments turned out to be wildly incorrect, but he rarely altered his position. Keep in mind the classic response by John Maynard Keynes when he was accused of being inconsistent, “When the facts change, I change my mind. What do you do,
sir?” Always be ready to re-examine your own beliefs. It’s really difficult in a period in which legacy media and social media are structurally designed to reinforce your views.
It is useful in your personal life as well, and when you can integrate it into your daily life, you can avoid becoming the object of the old aphorism, “Often wrong, seldom in doubt.”
4. Equanimity. Equanimity is often the hardest one. It often involves suppressing or suffocating normal human emotions. In more extreme conditions, it may mean the difference between life and death. Examples are Sully Sullenberger’s coolness in his decision making when he set his plane down in the Hudson River. Or Jim Lovell’s handling of Apollo 13 when warning lights were flashing and alarms were going off, “Let’s work the problem.” Or some of the young men on Oct 7, hiding their friends while the terrorists hunted for them.
But there are less dramatic situations in our daily lives when exercising this trait can be very helpful, especially now when nerves are often raw and it is easy for people to get under our skin. It may involve little more than repeating to yourself, “There has to be at least one adult in the room and today, that has to be me.” Easier said than done, equanimity is not an inborn trait, but needs to be practiced.
I’m sure others could add to this list. But they are, I think, consistent with the original 10, and fill in some gaps in managing relationships with other people. In the spirit of epistemic humility, I welcome objections and comments on my 4 Pillars in the comments or privately, but I hope some with find them useful.